As I said last week, we are doing a week in Proverbs and a week in Song of Solomon to set us up for our Advent series in Ruth. The reason we are doing this is because these books were not written in a vacuum. King Solomon curated all and wrote many of the Proverbs, he likely wrote Song of Songs (at the very least, he curated it), and he is Ruth’s great grandson. We saw last week that the same words he used in Proverbs for Lady Folly and an excellent wife are used in Ruth. And that’s very intentional because in the Hebrew order of the cannon, you would have turned the page (or unrolled the next scroll) from Proverbs 31 and gone right to Ruth which is Solomon’s family history. He wants to set us up in Proverbs and Song of Solomon for Ruth.
Now, we come to the Song of Solomon also called the Song of Songs. It is a book full of highly intimate imagery. And, if you are here for the first time, I will be talking about marriage and sex in, likely, a more direct way than you are used to hearing in church. But, I won’t be nearly as explicit as the text is.
The reason it is called the Song of Songs is because it is supposed to be the very best song. It’s a superlative like Lord of Lords or King of Kings. The very best poetry. The song of all songs. There is some debate over if this is just one couple who we follow through the book or are we seeing different couples or is it a more general story about a generic man and a generic woman. We do know that Solomon is named in chapter three when his wedding is described. We may not know which wedding because Solomon didn’t really seem to know where to draw the line on weddings.
This story isn’t a cohesive drama like we will read in Ruth. It has the literary structures of poetry and we read poetry differently. I think the best way to read this is to see Solomon as more symbolic. Like the ideal. Since the setting, structure, and even characters do change, the best way to read Song of Solomon is by focusing less on the plot and characters and more on the recurring themes, settings, and motifs. This also helps us not get hung up on Solomon’s own shortcomings in the husbandry department.
There are also very different understandings about how to interpret this book. Some people say that this is a story about two people and we shouldn’t make much more of it than that. Others say that this is only an allegory. That means that this is a story about God’s love for his people and we should not read much more into it than that. My view, and I can make a strong case as to why, is that it is very much both. Things can be two things. We have a story of real people who do help us to know something about marriage, but they ultimately and very intentionally communicate something to us about God.
There are five recurring themes as you walk through this book 1) The invitation of love, 2) the interruption of love because of outside circumstances, 3) the search for the beloved, 4) how loving and being loved makes you feel, and 5) the praise of love itself.
This story isn’t about particular or specific lovers, it’s about love itself. I think if you could summarize the story of this book into one concise phrase it would be this: The celebration of love. So, what I’d like to do is put these themes together and see three aspects of love: The celebration of the physical, the celebration of the relational, and the celebration of the supernatural. And, I'll warn you, this sermon will be just a bit longer than normal because it just has to be to handle it appropriately.
- Celebrating the physical
In this book, you have stories about a young man and a young woman and their physical sexual desires. And we need to realize that we don’t read this book in a vacuum. We have our own context that we live in that affects the way we approach this topic. If you grew up in the church, you might have grown up just hearing that sex is bad and in some mysterious way, it becomes ok when you get married. But how that shift happens remains a mystery. Or, if you are more influenced by the culture outside the church, you might have the idea that sex is just a mundane instinctive act that you can do with whoever you want to as long as it’s consensual. But the result of our cultural shift is that the more we sexualize our society, the more true intimacy actually goes away. Or, we can live for sex. We can make it the chief desire of our lives which will ruin our lives because we will be functionally worshiping something that will never satisfy us the way we want.
What we see in Song of Songs is something very different. Right off the bat we do see extremely sensual language. Chapter one verse two 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your blove is better than wine; - SOS 1:2 The woman doesn’t just say kiss me, she says kiss me with your mouth. There is an intoxicating effect for her that is better than wine. And this is clearly leading somewhere because in verse four we read 4 eDraw me after you; flet us run. gThe king has brought me into his chambers. -SOS 1:4 They aren’t going into the chambers to talk! And as you continue to read, there are a lot of descriptions of various parts of the male and female anatomy and the delights in seeing, touching, tasting, hearing, and smelling each other. One commentary said, “The imagery of this book is both delightful and embarrassing.” It’s embarrassing because we are reading about what happens between two people when no one else is around. In general Jewish culture they would not allow their boys to read this book until they were 13 and in some parts of Jewish culture not until they were 30.
What we see is that sex is a good gift from God to be enjoyed, but it is to be enjoyed in the most secure relationship: a marriage between a man and a woman. We can go all the way back to Genesis to see this. God created all the animals and Adam and what did He conclude? It is not good for man to be alone. So He created Eve and they ‘knew’ each other. That is talking about the physical intimacy that they enjoyed. Sex is good and it is to be enjoyed in the context of marriage.
I was listening to a Gen Z podcast this week (which is a very interesting world) and this dude was saying that if you are married and, for whatever reason, not looking to have children or not able to have children, you shouldn’t be having sex. It’s for making babies only. Says the young married guy trying to have kids. Well, that’s crazy. Nowhere in the Bible do you see that. I mean, there is no mention of children anywhere in the Song of Solomon. Paul in 1 Cor 7 said, 3 uThe husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. - 1 Cor 7:3 and Paul is referring to pleasure. If you read through chapter one, it talks about the pleasures of sex in incredibly descriptive ways. Ways that would make us all blush if I read them. Christianity shouldn’t have a prudish understanding of sex, it should have a celebratory view of sex. And I would argue that we have a more positive message when it comes to sex than any other worldview.
Tim Keller calls sex a covenant renewal. It’s a bonding agent that reinforces the bond we have. We know scientifically now that the chemicals released actually bond us with the people we have sex with. This is why a reasonably healthy person can’t be intimate with someone and not think about them again. Scientists call this the irrational attachment. We call it God’s good design.
This book tells us that sex is to be celebrated, but, also that these desires can be dangerous. Chapter eight says, 4 I uadjure you, O vdaughters of Jerusalem, wthat you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. - SOS 8:4 There is a context in which we are to enjoy physical intimacy. The safest of places. The place where we are fully exposed and fully accepted as long as we live. And that context is marriage.
There are a few dangers, but I’ll just mention two. First, if you’re having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend, because of the emotional bonding. it’s going to make it more difficult to see if this is a relationship you should get out of. You’re bonded in a way that should only happen in the covenant relationship of marriage. I’ve heard it said that physical intimacy before marriage is like going shopping with no money. You’ll either go home disappointed or with something that isn’t yours.
But, there are many kinds of ways to awaken this love before it’s ready and one of the main ways we see this today is through pornography. Pornography is so rampant that sexual activity is significantly declining globally. As this cheap imitation takes over, it’s robbing people of the good gift God has given us. It’s another way that as society becomes more sexualized, the true intimacy we are meant for is diminished. Instead of being selfless in our physical intimacy, pornography trains us to be selfish. Instead of experiencing something real, we are fooled by something false.
But, secondly, awakening love before it pleases creates a picture of Jesus that is a lie. Remember, sex is intended to be enjoyed in the one permanent relationship where you are fully exposed and fully accepted. Earthly marriage is supposed to communicate something about God. The only relationship where we are actually fully exposed and fully accepted for all of eternity. So, to engage physically without commitment is not only robbing ourselves of the full satisfaction we were intended to have, but communicating something about the nature of God that is patently false.
But, if you have gone outside the design of God, I want you to hear clearly that the beautiful thing about God is that there is always a spiritual reset button. It doesn’t matter what you have done, His full love is always offered to you in Jesus. In Jesus the slate is wiped clean. If you are willing to be fully exposed to God by repenting of your sins, He will fully accept you as if you were as perfect as Jesus.
In the Song of Solomon, we don’t have a prudish view of sex, we don’t have a casual view of sex, we have a celebratory view of sex. Monogamy is not the burden you hear about in modern secular culture. Solomon obviously failed in this area, but he reaped what he sowed. All of scripture was written by flawed men carried along by the Holy Spirit. Solomon’s life choices don’t make these words we read any less true. Monogamy is the choice to not spread out and distribute ourselves widely to less fulfilling relationships, but to focus ourselves on one truly satisfying relationship. It’s a celebration of the fact that “My beloved is mine, and I am his.” Or hers:)
- Celebrating the relational
It’s easy to read the Song of Solomon and see the physical intimacy, but not the relational intimacy. But, it’s absolutely here. Listen to these verses and hear the joy in their hearts. What’s going on here is so much more than mere physical pleasure.
16 Behold, you are beautiful, hmy beloved, truly idelightful. SOS 1:6 SOS 2:3b On my bed rby night I sought shim whom my soul loves; - SOS 3:1 9 You have captivated my heart, my lsister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one mjewel of your necklace. - SOS 4:9
There is a desire to both know and be known. This book celebrates holistic love. It’s not a codependent relationship, but it’s clearly not an independent relationship. It’s an interdependent relationship. A few weeks ago, Angela and I spoke at a Weekend to Remember marriage conference in Idaho. We almost always do these conferences together, but there have been a couple times where extenuating circumstances have required me to go by myself. If I were codependent, I’d be on the floor of the bathroom unable to figure out how I speak without her. If I were independent, I wouldn’t care if she was with me or not. But, an interdependent relationship says, “I’m happiest when I’m with you.” And that is exactly what we see in the Song of Solomon. In chapter 3 when the bride had a dream of not finding her groom, she was distressed, but not despondent.
Some of you here have lost someone you love. Some of you have lost a spouse. And I know that you feel like a part of you died with them. You were that connected. That’s not only normal, that’s how it should be. Jesus quotes Genesis 2 when He says in Mark 10 that a man should leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. When you have a one flesh relationship you aren’t just one physically, you are one emotionally, and even spiritually. When you have that and lose it, you do lose a little piece of yourself. In a real sense, having a deep relational connection to someone else helps you to know who you are more fully. We know ourselves more through healthy relationships. And sometimes losing that shows us this truth in the most profound way.
We know who we are better through healthy relationships. And this is true in non-romantic relationships as well. In his book Four Loves, C.S. Lewis writes about the loss of a friend. He and two friends, Charles Williams and JRR Tolkein, who met regularly for years and then Charles died. He wrote, “In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien’s] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him ‘to myself’ now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves.”
At some level, we desire to know others because we want to be known. The desire to understand ourselves more through relationships is a good desire. It’s how God created us. But, every good desire can be met in the wrong way. We can be a chameleon and just be who we think others want us to be. But, that is going to hide who we really are from ourselves and drive us into isolation. If we feel like that’s what we need to do, we are probably seeking relationships in the wrong places. Much of who we are is defined by who we are in relationship with. This is one of the reasons that unhealthy relationships can be so damaging.
Now, I say all this because marriage is not the end all be all. Not everyone is called to be married. Paul wasn’t married. Jesus wasn’t married. And no one is ever less of a person if they are not married. You may not have sex, and if that’s the calling on your life, God will give you the grace and strength you need. Celibacy righty recognizes the importance and power of sexual relations. It does not seek cheap substitutes. And it knows you can still be in holistic, life giving relationships.
If you are married, though, or will be, God’s desire is that you would be bound to each other not only physically, but relationally. That’s certainly what we see in this book. This book is celebrating a holistic love. Listen to these verses and hear how holistically they are bound to each other. 3 uI am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he grazes among the lilies. - SOS 6:3 10 kI am my beloved’s, land his desire is for me. - SOS 7:10 They belong to each other and desire each other in ways that go far beyond the physical.
I often see couples that think sex is like a thermostat that sets the temperature of the relationship. If they could just find more physical intimacy, then they would find more relational intimacy. But, I actually think it’s the opposite. Sex is more like a thermometer that shows you the temperature of your relationship. The relational piece is the more intimate, more important piece. This is why when some couples lose physical intimacy for physical reasons, they can stay happily married. A healthy marriage is built on more than sex.
So where do you find this kind of relationship? Going back to Proverbs 31, charm is fine, but it can deceive you. Beauty is great and clearly depicted in this book, but the beauty of youth will go away. But, the fear of the Lord will not deceive or go away. A truly life giving relationship starts with a mutual fear of the Lord. And this leads us to our last part.
- Celebrating the supernatural
I said in the beginning that this is not just a story celebrating human love, but one that celebrates supernatural love. There are those who feel very strongly that this is not an allegory of God’s love for His people and that it is only about marital love. There are a few problems with this. First, look at the title of the book. If this book is only about marital love and consummation, then it certainly is not going to be the best of all songs. I mean how would someone called to live a single life or someone who has lost their spouse see this as the best song ever?
Secondly, you have a historical problem. This idea that there is no allegory here is a new concept in church history. It’s connected to the enlightenment and dispensational theology. For the first 1500 years of the New Testament church and even going back hundreds of years into pre-Christian Jewish tradition, the MAIN interpretation of this book was a story of human marital love that tells us something about God’s love for us.
Third, you have to consider that all of Scripture points to Christ so why would this story not? And inside this book, you have the whole gospel narrative. James Hamiton says, “the closest we get to being back into the Garden of Eden in the rest of the Bible is in the poetry of Song of Solomon.” The love of a man and a woman with none of the shame of sin. The hero of the Song is Solomon (or at least an idealized version of Solomon), the son of David, whose line carries the blessing promised to Abraham that would undo the curses of the fall. They all point to a greater king than David over a greater kingdom than Solomon: Jesus.
Go back to the five recurring themes in the book and see how they tell the gospel story. 1) The invitation of love offered to us by God in the Garden. 2) The interruption of love because of our sin. 3) The search for the beloved by Jesus. 4) The way being loved by the Holy Spirit makes us feel whole. And then, 5) the praise of love itself in the final marriage between Jesus and His church.
Then, fourthly, what I think is the strongest argument for allegory is the symbolic nature of marriage itself. God continually uses marital language for his relationship with his people. Israel is God’s beloved with whom he enters a covenant relationship. And then you get to Ephesians five. Paul’s instructions on marriage where he quotes Genesis 2:24 about the one flesh relationship and he says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” All Christian marriage displays a picture of the gospel. So, you can rightly say that the marriage in Song of Solomon is an allegory of Christ and the church. Remember I have already made the case that sex at some level is allegorical. It’s pointing to something greater. In the words of John Piper, “If you only know sex as a one night thing…a one off thing…then you are not going to understand the Song of Solomon.”
And, lastly, in chapter eight, right after the literal and metaphorical climax of the book, you have a very intentional reference to God. It’s the only reference to God, but it’s very strategically placed at the most important part of the book. Verse six. 6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as ya seal upon your arm, for zlove is strong as death, ajealousy1 is fierce as the grave.2 Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very bflame of the LORD. - SOS 8:6 Love is the flame of God.
All throughout the Old Testament, God is associated with fire and He is jealous for His people. It should also not be lost on us that it is at this point that the Song of Solomon moves from poetic stories to wisdom. And what is the beginning of wisdom? The fear of the Lord. This book is showing us that the love that we have read about for eight chapters finds its ultimate source in God Himself. And it finds its ultimate embodiment in Jesus Christ. Jesus who is so jealous for His beloved bride, the church, that he would willingly face the fire of God’s wrath so we can be spared and united eternally to him.
Some of you will have good earthly marriages, some of you will have bad earthly marriages, and some of you will not have an earthly marriage. But you can know that the best of marriages will pale in comparison to what this book is ultimately pointing to and those of you who never have an earthly marriage will one day never feel like you missed out on anything at all. The reason every Christian marriage begins with the groom standing down front waiting on his bride to join him is because this is a picture of Jesus in the book of Revelation standing at the end of the aisle of eternity waiting on the bride He loves and has redeemed.
So how does this connect to Ruth? In Ruth we will see the story of a foreign, desperate woman who meets a noble, kinsman redeemer who makes her the excellent wife in Proverbs 31. Not because marriage saves you. Not because a woman needs a man to be whole. Not because Ruth deserves it. But simply because of the love, character, and nature of the man. In Ruth we will see the flame of the love of God that Solomon wants us to see.
We all have physical and relational longings in this life. And these stories show us that they will never be perfectly satisfied in this life, but they will be fully, perfectly, and eternally satisfied in the next. Not because we deserve it, but because of the love, character, and nature of our Lord Jesus Christ in whom we trust and hope. So, let’s give ourselves fully to Him. Let’s not distribute ourselves widely to the idols of this life. Let’s not worship lesser things, even good things like sex and marriage, but choose to focus on and celebrate the most satisfying relationship we will ever have. Where we can truly and eternally say that “My beloved is mine, and I am His.”